The Weight We Were Never Meant to Carry

The Weight We Were Never Meant to Carry

I was thinking the other day about how many things women carry through life that were never actually ours to carry in the first place. Can you relate to this?

Somewhere along the way, many of us became responsible for everyone’s happiness, comfort, their expectations and everyone’s opinions.

At least we thought we did.

I don’t know exactly when that happens. Maybe it started when were little girls, those savvy long years past,  we’re taught to be polite and helpful, not ask too many questions. . Maybe it happens when we become wives, mothers, daughters, friends, employees, caregivers or business owners. Whatever the reason, many of us spend years trying to keep everyone around us happy. 

Lately, though, I’ve been looking at things a little differently.

The savvier I get, the more I realize that caring about people and being responsible for them are two very different things.

For years, if someone I loved was struggling, I struggled too. If someone was upset, I wanted to fix it. If someone was disappointed, I felt guilty. If someone was carrying a burden, somehow I ended up carrying it right alongside them. Pretty exhausting right?

Maybe that’s what happens when you’re a nurturer. (And I my star sign is Cancer….so I might be worse LOL) You spend so much time looking after everyone else that you forget where their responsibilities end and yours begin.

I have learned, I can love someone deeply and still allow them to solve their own problems. I can support someone without taking on the weight of their decisions. I can listen without immediately jumping in to rescue them.

That’s been a hard lesson for me because helping people comes naturally. Standing back sometimes does not.

Caring comes from love.

Carrying often comes from fear…Fear of disappointing someone.

Fear of being judged….Fear of not being enough.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become much more aware of what belongs to me and what doesn’t.

My responsibility is to be kind.

My responsibility is to be honest.

My responsibility is to do my best.

What other people think about my choices is not my responsibility.

What other people expect from me is not always my responsibility.

And whether someone is happy with every decision I make certainly isn’t my responsibility.

There is something incredibly freeing about finally understanding that.

Learning What Is Mine to Carry

The older I get, the more I realize that peace isn’t found in getting everything sorted out. Sometimes it’s found in deciding what isn’t yours to sort out in the first place.

I don’t think it’s because there are fewer problems or everything suddenly becomes easy.

But because you’re no longer carrying backpacks that belong to everyone else.

These days, when I catch myself worrying about something, I ask a simple question:

“Is this mine to carry?”

Sometimes the answer is yes.

But more often than not, the answer is no.

And when it isn’t, I’m learning to gently set it down and keep walking.

At this savvy age, that might be one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.

A little less guilt.

A little less worry.

A little less responsibility for things that were never ours in the first place.

And a whole lot more peace. Sounds lovely doesn’t it?