Moving on after a life altering experience …is it necessary to know the why’s of everything?
Are there always lessons to be learned from things that happen in our lives?
On Dec 1st Steve was given the very grave news that he had leptomeningeal (LMD) which if you Google you will learn it is a certain death sentence. 3 months is the worst case scenario and 10 months is the best…that is unless you are not a candidate for treatment, which Steve was not and that meant 8 weeks to live.
We felt like we had been punched right in the gut. I won’t get into it all…I’ll let you use your own imagination. I can tell you for sure though, our minds went to some very dark places. 60 days wondering if and when he was going to die.
Some lessons in life are very clear to us. You can make sense of them right away.
I believe we all play a part in this universe. Life is a very complex system. What does one take from something like this? What is the life lesson? Luck of the draw? Karma – Geez, I hope not! What was the deeper meaning?
Maybe there is no deeper meaning to be had. Maybe the answer will come at a later date. Maybe it will never come. Maybe the meaning will come once we let it go.
I journaled through our entire experience in Dec & Jan. Most of what I wrote was sadness. In hindsight I wonder why I didn’t journal more happy thoughts. Memories, gratitude or hope.
The day we got the ‘sorry we made a mistake, you are not going to die’ results, I stopped journaling. I thought it was over.
It wasn’t. I wanted an answer. To be honest I was seriously p****d off. What a freaking mistake…a complete gong show! I was carrying anger with me throughout the days/weeks following.
I needed release. I needed to unburden my thoughts. I summoned the experience one last time…I wanted to say so long…don’t ever come back here. I had an official ‘letting go’ journal entry and mediation, thanking it and saying good-bye. It was liberating to unburden the anger I associated with it.
I am now doing a life cleanse. I am facing any issues I have full on. I am continuing my journey of journaling. I’ve signed up for a 10 day health challenge. I am reading about building healthy habits. I am back to blogging. I do deep breathing exercises daily.
With this life cleanse, Steve and I have decided to sell our ‘Corner House’. I am very happy-sad about it. I love this house. We have made some wonderful memories here but for our own reasons it is time to move on. We have an idea of where we want to buy, but we have to wait for the right home to become available. For the time being we have rented this darling little beach house for a few months this summer and from there we will see where life takes us.
Over the years I have accumulated a lot of stuff…I mean a lot. Steve is now calling me a hoarder. Maybe that’s because I own 27 tablecloths! It’s all gotta go. I am trying my best to get down to 2-3 favourites. I want to minimize the boxes that I am keeping to one or two per room. Cripes they better be BIG boxes!
I am looking forward to my summer as a new adventure in our lives. We won’t be bogged down by things. We will DO things instead. It is cathartic…all this purging. It’s emotional too. Steve has to keep reminding me “Mare, it’s all just stuff”. As I am sitting here writing this I am looking at boxes of candle holders. Yup…plural boxes. I can picture them sitting on the beautifully decorated tables at past celebrations…but in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t the candle holders that made the party memorable…it was the people I shared the table with. So all of this stuff really can go. It can be replaced if it’s ever needed again. I cannot replace friendships and family and that…at the end of the day is what is important.
So good-bye death sentence..hello new beginning!
EllenMay 18, 2023 at 5:46 AM
What an ordeal that you both had to endure!! I’d want some answers too, Marion. I’m glad to hear that you’re embracing your new chapter in your life. Your new place is beautiful! And once you “Marionize it”, I’m sure it will be stunning!
So happy to hear that Steve is going to be all right. ❤️
MarionMay 18, 2023 at 11:23 AM
Thanks Ellen. It was a curve ball for sure…but onward! 💪
MarionMay 18, 2023 at 11:24 AM
Thanks Ellen. This little rental came fully furnished. Nothing to do but move our butts in. It’s been really great not to worry about doing a thing. The TV broke the other day…we called the guy. LOL…
Mary Cook-Hyslop.May 18, 2023 at 8:02 AM
Heartfelt and beautiful Mare. You and Steve will both love your new beginnings. So well deserved for two of the best humans I know. Mare xo
MarionMay 18, 2023 at 11:31 AM
Ahhhh Mare! You are so sweet. PS… we haven’t seen Magic in years and last two events we went to there he was. He hasn’t changed at all. I hope are all doing great Mare.
Jackie WellsMay 18, 2023 at 8:25 AM
Hi Marion: A most terrific message from “your heart” and a reason for others to follow your example or at least realize “getting on with it” … making the most of the time we have with our loved ones .. not getting bogged by things .. friendships and family cannot be replaced .. It was great meeting your and Steve on Locust, walking our doggies. I have reached that “life alterating stage now” .. living it .. ” got rid of my 25 tablecloths a few years back in preparation for what “what was to come”.. Norm & I “just did whatever .. whenever together … loving it until ” he buggered off to la la land .. Anger & sadness get mixed all up with memories and happiness. I am grateful & blessed to have had the years together … the book starts again .. the chapters are not easy .. but the book is not over … love and best wishes .. Jackie ….. keep up your posts & goodbye to a
death sentence! There is life .. more sunshine .. more minutes, more hours , more sleeps together …each day… NOW!
MarionMay 18, 2023 at 11:34 AM
JW it was so lovely to have run into you. You look absolutely amazing!! You are right in that it is a new chapter for you. Hell….it might be an entirely new book! I feel you have a lot of happiness and memories to be made JW!! Keep on smiling ☺️
Suzanne ColasimoneMay 18, 2023 at 7:50 PM
What a terrible time that must have been Mare. We are so extremely grateful and unbelievably relieved by that « Mistake ».
I know that wherever you and Steve and of course Tank end up, you will always make it a happy home. Steve is right…… it’s just stuff and it feels so gratifying to purge. The more we have, the more complicated our lives become. I have so many very fond memories of the House on the Corner and look forward to seeing wherever your new home will be. What an exciting time for you!!! 😘❤️💖💕
MarionMay 19, 2023 at 10:21 AM
Thank you Sue. Where ever we end up you will be welcomed with open arms as always…and maybe a little glass of sumpin-sumpin!
Mary LynnMay 18, 2023 at 9:19 AM
We have to enjoy every day because life happens. So happy you are enjoying the beach house. New beginnings ❤️
MarionMay 18, 2023 at 11:35 AM
You are so right ML…life does just happen. The ups, the downs and everything in between.
Linda F.May 18, 2023 at 9:52 AM
Just think, tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet. You survived this shit show with such grace and strength. You’re my kind of hero that doesn’t wear a cape or ride a broomstick (but carries a leash a lot). On to the next chapter. 💕🐾
MarionMay 18, 2023 at 11:38 AM
I love that… a new day with no mistakes. That usually gets me through to 10 AM!!! LOL
Thank you for the kind words…but not a hero at all. I just had a really superb friend doubling me on her broomstick!!
💕 🐕 🧹
Janet MessereMay 18, 2023 at 9:57 AM
Great article Mare…thanks for sharing your scary, roller coaster journey with us…can’t imagine what you both have been through.
Life is so precious and should not be taken for granted. So true you Can’t replace family and friends that’s for sure…let’s enjoy every second of love, fun and laughter as we share time together!! Warm hugs!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
MarionMay 18, 2023 at 11:39 AM
Thanks Janet. It was definitely a roller coaster.
Sometimes friends ARE family. We are definitely sisters from another mister!!!
Lots of fun and laughter in the days ahead!
Mary Ferguson-AllanMay 18, 2023 at 11:28 AM
Trying times love but you are strong and always remember I’m here for you also the rest of the family. Always try and look for a bright side.. Love you Mom xx
MarionMay 19, 2023 at 10:25 AM
💪 like my mama!!
MarionMay 18, 2023 at 3:47 PM
My dear Mare;
You are indeed such an open book as you share some of toughest most challenging moments recently. This takes blatant bravery for you to share as we can ‘try’ to feel the emotions forced upon you. Sharing helps you and others be brave in hard circumstances. Thank you.
Here’s to brand new chapters in your life’s journey. May they be filled with overwhelming joy and gratefulness. Hugs m
MarionMay 19, 2023 at 10:24 AM
Ahhhh…thanks Marion. You know when I need bravery it is you that I go to 💕 HAHA you must see my message pop up and say ‘oh lord, what now” lol. Thank you for always being there…early mornings and late evenings answering all of my questions and keeping me calm. Marion squared…we were meant to be. 😘
BrendaMay 18, 2023 at 4:46 PM
Very touching blog. Looking ahead is the best medicine and enjoying each day with friends and family xo
MarionMay 18, 2023 at 6:06 PM
Thanks Brenda. Beach life is wonderful. Daily meditation, yoga and Tank. Doesn’t get much better.
Rose ScherleMay 19, 2023 at 7:40 PM
I am just praying the very best of life that can be for you and Steve. Big hugs, Rose
MarionMay 21, 2023 at 8:04 AM
Ahhh Rose…hello 💕 Thank you so much for your kind words. Steve and I have both been thinking about you. You are not far from our thoughts.
Susan SgroMay 19, 2023 at 8:55 PM
Loved your blog Marion …. The Little every day things in life really do become the Big things. Enjoy ❤️
MarionMay 21, 2023 at 8:02 AM
Thank you Sue. If anyone knows you sure do my friend. 😘
ValMay 24, 2023 at 9:32 AM
Don’t know how anyone can’t express themselves in a more raw, real and heartbreaking way Mare! ❤️ Unbelievably touching and a wake up call for all…. As I’ve said, you have the strength of a Titan and the love of an Angel. Your time together is now…. Don’t miss a minute…Love to Steve and that sweet Tanky🥰
MarionMay 24, 2023 at 1:56 PM
Thank you for the sweetest message Val. I honestly don’t know what to say to that. You have made my day!
Love to you and your little King 🐕
NatalieMay 24, 2023 at 1:53 PM
Good morning Marion. I have been reading your blog for about a year. While I love what you write and all of your great decor ideas, I was judging you the entire time. I always thought how easy it must be to blog when your life is so perfect. You have reminded me
A-Be great full for every day. You just never know.
B- Don’t judge. You never know what goes on behind closed doors.
I am so happy to read that your husband is going to be OK. I hope you are too. It’s not easy being the care-giver. I hope you take time for yourself. Keep the tea cups. Keep ALL of the tea cups! LOL. I loved your Downton Abby tea party and your Mar-tea-ni parties. Absolutely lovely.
MarionMay 24, 2023 at 2:09 PM
Hi Natalie. Thanks for stopping in to say hello. Concentrate on A and don’t give another thought to B.
It is so easy to judge when someone is painting a pretty picture. I think this is the first time I have really opened up about myself in a post. That is definitely the problem with social media…influencers and bloggers just seem to make everything look perfect.
….and I well absolutely be keeping the tea cups! LOL…
Mary-AnnMay 24, 2023 at 2:03 PM
I have a feeling it won’t matter where you end up Marion. You will make it a home. My husband and I made the move to downsize a few years ago. We bought a small home and now travel across Canada in the summer months. We have never looked back. Our life is one big adventure. I too journal almost daily.
Good luck with everything. Keep up the blogging. I missed reading you.
MarionMay 24, 2023 at 2:14 PM
Hi there Mary- Ann. So funny that you should say you are travelling across Canada. Steve and I have been contemplating renting an RV and making the trek to the west coast. Not sure we would make it all the way without one of us being tossed over board! HAHA
Our little beachhouse is starting to feel like home already. Slowly I’ve been adding a bit of this and that to make it our own.
Have a wonderful adventure this summer Mary-Ann and thanks for reading me along the way.
DeniseMay 24, 2023 at 9:22 PM
Hi Marion, it was so nice running into you at Fortinos. I was so shocked when you told me about the “mistake”. I just can’t imagine what you both must have been going through. Your strength is amazing and I am so happy that Steve is doing so well.
Your beach house sounds perfect and I love that you are taking the time to enjoy the simple things. My sister-in-law sent an email this morning with a story called “The Last Quarter”. The last line was “It’s not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.”
MarionMay 25, 2023 at 5:48 PM
It was so lovely to see you as well. Thank you for your kind message. I’d love to read the full story ‘the last quarter’. I just googled the quote and it was by Helen Walton….Sam Walton’s wife. She passed away at 87 years old. Obviously a very wise lady and She certainly new what she was talking about.
LaurenMay 29, 2023 at 12:57 AM
Great blog Mare ♥️♥️♥️ that was an extra tough Christmas and new years but I’d like to think we have some good memories in there !! Like the Michael Jordan Documentary and the pool day 😂 🍹 Also loving the minimalism journey but mostly just so happy Daddio is still around to give us life chats 😭🥰🥰🥰 love you!! Thanks for taking care of him ♥️
MarionMay 29, 2023 at 1:18 AM
❤️ there are just no words for you 🐝 💕